I am about to tell you a true story. It’s a bit long, but worth reading to the end. If you don’t know me well, you’ll just think it’s absolutely absurd and think I’m nuts. If you DO know me well, you’ll still think it’s absolutely absurd, but you’ll realize it’s quite typical of me to do such a thing.
Last night was Dino’s bachelor party–the wedding is in two weeks. I was a bit uneasy about the whole night (they were going up to the casino and spending the night) but was looking forward to having a bit of time to myself.
I left work at 6 pm and talked to my friend Kim on the cell phone on the way home. When I got home at 7 and sat down to my dinner I couldn’t find my phone. I am constantly losing the stupid phone because it’s super tiny and doesn’t have one of those nerdy clips–which I NEED in order to keep track of it. A couple of hours went by and I still couldn’t find the phone. I was semi-relieved because now I couldn’t check obsessively for text messages from Dino. But then I started to worry because I was home alone and I have no land-line–so if "the bad man" wanted to break in and get me, I’d be up a creek.
Oh well, never found it and went to bed–all the while smirking inwardly at how Dino was probably stewing over why he couldn’t reach me! Take THAT, bachelor! In the morning I borrowed my neighbor’s cell phone to call mine–couldn’t hear it anywhere. At that point I resigned to going to the Verizon store and putting an insurance claim–I had been meaning to do this anyway because the phone was cracked and smashed to bits on the front. All the while I just knew that I would go home to find my cell phone mocking me where it stood–right where I left it, wherever that was. I reactivated an old phone, called Dino and calmed his panic–he was pretty well convinced that "the bad man" had indeed broken in and gotten me.
He was home when I got home and helped me bring in the groceries. As he was putting away the edamame’s in the freezer I noticed him stop dead in his tracks with a look of shock/awe on his face. There was my phone. In. the. freezer. Right next to the thin mints–which I had grabbed on the way upstairs. Now I remember–I had gone to snitch one thin mint out of the already opened package–but it wasn’t open after all, so I had to set my phone down while I unwrapped the second roll. Sure enough there were 11 missed calls and 6 unanswered text messages. And it was cold.
That is the end of that story.
Some day, ask me to tell you about the time that I reported my purse "stolen" from my grocery cart–oh that’s another doozy!