Not that I even LIKE ice cream.


Treat, originally uploaded by mewpaperarts.

Holy. Freeking. Meltdown.

Day 6 of body detox begins. Last night was the fifth night. Things were going along just fine–no, I wasn’t enjoying myself (not even close) but I was fueled by my own determination and the fact that I didn’t cheat–not even once.

But last night…oh man, last night. After a long day of work and eating nothing but bland-ass grilled chicken on bland-ass plan salad greens the “detox” part really hit me. I had heard from the others who were participating that earlier this week they had body aches and headaches. I hadn’t experienced that at all, and just attributed it to not being “addicted” to any of the things I was cleansing from.

Around 6 o clock after a walk outside I felt like I was hit by a truck. Sweats. Body aches. Fatigue. And a generally nasty temperament. I choked down my dinner with visions of ice cream cones dancing in my head. By the time Dino got home I was at my breaking point…I was ready to tear into the pantry and get *gasp* a bowl of cereal!!!! The horror!!! I was like a fiend–you would have thought I was coming off of dope. All for a lame bowl of Smart Start and some strawberries. I was jittery, fidgety and at one point in tears and I didn’t think anything would stop me from cheating.

But I didn’t. I did not. Instead, I got up and cut a grapefruit and had (afreekin’nother) handful of almonds. Woowee, life is good!

This ice cream photo was taken sometime last year. I swear.

It’s only been six days but it feels like forever. In those 6 days I haven’t had any
-artificial sugar
-caffeine
-alcohol
-yeast
-grains or other of the typical carbohydrates
-dairy
-joy
-taste
-will to live

I’m not even being dramatic. This is miserable. Flarking bloody miserable! And you know what the biggest drag of it is–every morsel of food I ingest involves getting out at least three utensils/plates/cutting boards and then having to clean up after myself. There is no grab-and-go. So I’m a slave to the kitchen and with no reward.

Oh, oh, wait…ohhhhhh, I forgot. You know what the best part is???????? I got my period on the second day! So I’m feeling extra sweet, you can imagine. And guess how much weight I’ve lost–just guess?

6 lbs? 4 lbs? Good guesses, yeah. But no.

One. pound.

I’m going to take a bath with my toaster.

May 21st, 2009

7 Responses

  1. jbjoey@aol.com says:

    Aaarrrgghhhhhh. I’ve been thinking about you and wondering how it was going. Figured you could do it first, then maybe I would consider it. But, uh, no thanks. – JoAnn B.

  2. Lindsay says:

    You are funny! Do you even need to detox… you look amazing!! Or are you doing it for other reasons (than losing weight) I am struggling… so are you saying iT’S SO NOT WORTH IT?

  3. Sarah says:

    Oh lordy. I was considering doing a detox after hearing Lauren talk about hers. You’ve just given me excellent cause to reconsider…

  4. You made me laugh right out loud! After the detox do you get to go back to eating all the “good” stuff or is this a new way of living? Forever. And ever.
    Hang in there. :)

  5. KARIN SAMPOGNA says:

    suuuuccccckkkksss….don’t come to my Memorial Day picnic and think I am going to seve cardboard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. april says:

    You are gorgeous, but a detox will make you feel better.
    Pfff, who needs ice cream. With sprinkles. …….. mmmm lettuce ;)

  7. So, how’r’ya hanging in there?

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