The occasions on which I have sighed with relief at the sighting of a self-checkout lane in a grocery store or pharmacy are too numerous to count at this point. Sometimes you just want a little privacy–like when we had to buy all the supplies and gear for Dino’s colonoscopy. Or in junior high when you needed a box of tampons but the cute guy from school was in the next lane over!
But did you know that the library has a self-checkout lane? And are you wondering what the heck it has to do with Bollywood? I suppose I’ll begin at the beginning…
Lately, (as in, the past week and a half) I’ve been exercising more than normal. Normal for me is nothing more than a weekly yoga class. So more than normal is pretty intense. As I’m fast approaching 30 I’m noticing things happening that didn’t happen so much at 23 or 24– so I have committed to stopping the biological clock with exercise. (By the way, exercise isn’t really working for me–I now weigh more than I’ve ever weighed and I feel like a bloated corpse, but that’s for another post) I’ve been running, doing light weight training and when no one is around I pop in my Beach Body Turbo Jam DVD and pump up the jams. I even bought my chubby ass a Shape magazine for some ideas–one of which was to try out some exercise DVDs at your local library before purchasing!
Great idea. The selection at my library was slim, unless you were 60+ and arthritic. However, there was a copy of the BellyTwins IndiHop–and yes, I grabbed it. Dino is forever teasing me about what a horrible, uncoordinated dancer I am–he insists that even my head-bobbing is awkward. Surely the BellyTwins could help me, no?
I sneakily slipped my IndiHop DVD in between the much more mainstream and widely accepted Jillian Michael’s Shred and my Improve Your Italian audio book, hoping upon hope that the checkout person would be a 94 year old lady with poor eyesight and little interest in my workout preferences. How would I explain myself if anyone saw me with this ridiculous thing?
Did I ever luck out when I saw a self checkout lane–perfect! I could be in and out completely unnoticed! Wrong. Have you ever checked yourself out without incident? I didn’t think so. Something always go amiss when weighing the produce or trying to scan something you really didn’t want anyone to notice you buying. Sure enough, as soon as I scanned the DVD with a picture of the BellyTwins Neena and Veena glaring up at me with their perfectly matched beauty marks and Bindi dots the stupid thing started to beep and flash “Assistance On Its Way”.
So much for stealth. Fortunately, the “assistance” was in the form of that 94-year old lady, and by the time she found her way to me I had solved the problem and bolted out of there as fast I could.
I have yet to try the DVD, but I’ll be sure to report back when I do!